Are you ready to laugh until your shopping bags shake? Whether you’re a casual browser or a pun enthusiast, these 199+ funny and creative shoplifting jokes will make your day brighter.
We’ve rounded up the wittiest, cheekiest, and downright hilarious jokes about sneaky retail adventures, perfect for sharing with friends or just enjoying a good chuckle on your own.
Classic Shoplifting Jokes
- Why did the thief bring a ladder? To reach the high prices!
- Stealing from the bakery? It’s a piece of cake!
- What do shoplifters call therapy? Checkout counseling.
- Sneak into a bookstore? Read between the lines!
- Shoplifting a calendar? You’ll have time on your hands.
- Why did the thief steal a pillow? For a soft getaway.
- Caught stealing? Just say you’re checking inventory.
- Swiped the cheese? Just trying to make a quick cheddar.
- Why steal a mirror? To reflect on your choices.
- Lift a lamp? You’re just trying to lighten the mood.
- Why did the thief steal clothes? He wanted a change of pace.
- Caught with soap? Trying to clean up your act.
- Stealing a watch? Just saving time.
- Why take a chair? To rest your case.
- Stole a plant? Branching out into new hobbies.
Punny Shoplifting Humor
- I stole a dictionary — now I’m at a loss for words.
- Lifted a mattress — I’m sleeping on it!
- Stole a map — trying to find my way out.
- Took a blender — feeling mixed up.
- Lifted some glue — now I’m stuck.
- Stole a calendar — planning my escape.
- Took a bicycle — rolling with it.
- Snagged a toaster — just trying to make some bread.
- Lifted a vacuum — it really sucked.
- Took a pen — just drawing conclusions.
- Stole a mirror — reflecting on life.
- Lifted a hammer — smashing success!
- Took a broom — sweeping the nation.
- Stole a chair — sitting pretty.
- Lifted a pillow — soft crime.
One-Liner Shoplifting Jokes
- I stole a clock, but it was about time.
- Took a ladder to success, literally.
- Shoplifted a rug — now I’m floored.
- Lifted a banana — slipping away.
- Stole a hat — it’s a caper.
- Took a cookie — sweet getaway.
- Lifted a stapler — paper chase!
- Took a spoon — stirring up trouble.
- Stole sunglasses — shady business.
- Lifted a coffee mug — brewing mischief.
- Stole a book — novel idea.
- Took a bottle — corking crime.
- Lifted a clock — time flies!
- Stole shoes — walking a fine line.
- Took a scarf — knotty business.
Funny Grocery Store Theft Jokes
- Lifted a loaf of bread — on a roll.
- Stole some milk — dairy daring.
- Took a carton of eggs — cracking up.
- Lifted some butter — spread thin.
- Stole cheese — cheddar luck next time.
- Took a bag of apples — keeping the doctor away.
- Lifted cereal — the morning after.
- Stole soup — ladling out trouble.
- Took chocolate — bittersweet crime.
- Lifted soda — fizzy escape.
- Stole juice — squeezing out a laugh.
- Took vegetables — garden variety mischief.
- Lifted cookies — sweet steal.
- Stole wine — pressing matters.
- Took chips — crispy caper.
Retail-Themed Jokes
- Why did the cashier laugh? Too many checks out!
- Shoplifter tried yoga — flexible alibi.
- Stole a scanner — reading between the lines.
- Lifted price tags — labeling your life.
- Took a shopping cart — rolling crime.
- Stole a receipt — proof of mischief.
- Lifted hangers — hanging out.
- Stole a barcode — scanning ahead.
- Took a display — on show.
- Lifted a mannequin — posing problem.
- Stole a shelf — shelving shame.
- Took a basket — catching the joke.
- Lifted a sign — pointed crime.
- Stole a bag — packed full of puns.
- Took a pen — checkout counter humor.
Funny Jewelry & Electronics Jokes
- Lifted a necklace — chain reaction.
- Stole earrings — ear-resistible!
- Took a ring — circling the issue.
- Lifted a watch — timely crime.
- Stole a phone — ringing alarm.
- Took headphones — sound reasoning.
- Lifted a tablet — screen play.
- Stole a laptop — typing trouble.
- Took a camera — snapping up laughs.
- Lifted a charger — current event.
- Stole a speaker — loud crime.
- Took a keyboard — key issue.
- Lifted a mouse — computer mischief.
- Stole a smartwatch — timely antics.
- Took a flashlight — shedding light.
Hilarious Clothing & Accessories Jokes
- Stole a hat — head start.
- Lifted shoes — walking on the wild side.
- Took a scarf — wrapped in humor.
- Stole a coat — covering crime.
- Lifted gloves — hands-on approach.
- Took sunglasses — shady dealings.
- Stole socks — feet first.
- Lifted a belt — waist deep.
- Took a tie — knotty situation.
- Stole earrings — ear-resistible.
- Lifted a purse — handbag humor.
- Took a watch — ticking off.
- Stole a jacket — zipped up.
- Lifted a shirt — topless pun.
- Took pants — lower stakes.
Pun-Filled Office Supply Jokes
- Stole a stapler — paper chase.
- Lifted a pen — writing crime.
- Took a notebook — note-worthy theft.
- Stole scissors — cutting corners.
- Lifted tape — sticking point.
- Took a ruler — measuring up.
- Stole markers — coloring outside lines.
- Lifted envelopes — sealed fate.
- Took a paperclip — linking crimes.
- Stole sticky notes — leaving a mark.
- Lifted a calculator — adding mischief.
- Took a binder — bound for trouble.
- Stole a printer — printing problems.
- Lifted a folder — folding under pressure.
- Took a highlighter — highlighting crime.
Lighthearted Tech Theft Jokes
- Stole a tablet — touchy situation.
- Lifted a phone — dialing up trouble.
- Took a laptop — computing crime.
- Stole a charger — shocking humor.
- Lifted headphones — ear-resistible.
- Took a smartwatch — timely puns.
- Stole a camera — snap decision.
- Lifted a speaker — sound judgment.
- Took a mouse — clicking crime.
- Stole a keyboard — key issue.
- Lifted a router — network of lies.
- Took a flash drive — memory lapse.
- Stole a monitor — eye-opening theft.
- Lifted a drone — flying high.
- Took a projector — spotlight crime.
Retail Checkout Jokes
- Why did the thief smile at the cashier? Checked out successfully.
- Stole a shopping bag — carrying humor.
- Lifted a receipt — proof in the pudding.
- Took a coupon — discount on trouble.
- Stole a price tag — value theft.
- Lifted a scanner — scanning the scene.
- Took a queue — waiting in mischief.
- Stole a cash register — ringing in laughs.
- Lifted a barcode — labeled humor.
- Took a coin — change of heart.
- Stole a dollar — making cents.
- Lifted a pen — signing off.
- Took a basket — rolling out.
- Stole a conveyor — moving crime.
- Lifted a counter — counting laughs.
Silly Fast-Food Theft Jokes
- Lifted a burger — bun intended.
- Stole fries — a little dip into crime.
- Took a soda — fizzy logic.
- Stole a milkshake — shaken, not stirred.
- Lifted a taco — shell-shocking humor.
- Took a pizza slice — topping the crime.
- Stole a donut — hole lotta fun.
- Lifted nuggets — clucking mischief.
- Took a hotdog — frank trouble.
- Stole ketchup — saucy theft.
- Lifted mustard — spreading crime.
- Took a bag — packing laughs.
- Stole ice cream — cool caper.
- Lifted salad — leafy humor.
- Took a wrap — wrapping it up.
Cheeky Home Goods Theft Jokes
- Stole a pillow — soft landing.
- Lifted a blanket — cover story.
- Took a lamp — bright idea.
- Stole a chair — sitting pretty.
- Lifted a vase — vaseful crime.
- Took a clock — time flies.
- Stole a picture frame — framed humor.
- Lifted a candle — wax poetic.
- Took a rug — floor it.
- Stole a mirror — reflection theft.
- Lifted a towel — drying out.
- Took a toaster — breading trouble.
- Stole a kettle — boiling point.
- Lifted a plate — dish out humor.
- Took a cup — full of laughs.
Kids’ Toy Theft Jokes
- Stole a doll — un-doll-ed crime.
- Lifted a toy car — driven to mischief.
- Took a puzzle — piece of trouble.
- Stole a teddy bear — bear-ly legal.
- Lifted building blocks — block-headed.
- Took a ball — rolling crime.
- Stole a kite — flying high.
- Lifted a yo-yo — up and down.
- Took a puzzle — mind games.
- Stole a train set — track record.
- Lifted a toy gun — shooting humor.
- Took a stuffed animal — plush crime.
- Stole a coloring book — colored outside lines.
- Lifted a puzzle piece — missing something?
- Took a board game — playfully guilty.
Sneaky Fashion Theft Jokes
- Stole a bracelet — wrist crime.
- Lifted a necklace — chained humor.
- Took sunglasses — shady business.
- Stole a hat — topped it off.
- Lifted shoes — sole thief.
- Took a scarf — wrapping up crime.
- Stole a coat — covering humor.
- Lifted earrings — ear-resistible.
- Took a watch — time flies.
- Stole gloves — hand-picked crime.
- Lifted a tie — knotty business.
- Took socks — walking on thin ice.
- Stole a purse — handbag hijinks.
- Lifted belt — waist of time.
- Took pants — lowering expectations.
