199+ Funny & Creative Coast Guard Jokes

Ahoy, fellow humor enthusiasts! 🏖️ If you’re looking to sail through a sea of laughter, you’ve docked at the right port.

Whether you’re a seasoned Coastie, a landlubber with a love for nautical humor, or just someone in need of a good chuckle, this treasure trove of over 199 Coast Guard jokes, puns, and one-liners is your ultimate destination.

So, grab your life jacket (or just a comfy chair), and let’s dive into these wave-crashing, belly-laugh-inducing gems!

⚓ Classic Coast Guard One-Liners

Why did the Coastie bring a pencil to the boat? To draw in the water!
What do you call a Coast Guard officer who can’t swim? A landlocked leader!
Why don’t Coast Guard boats ever get lost? They always follow their compass-ion!
What’s a Coast Guard’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good “wave” beat!
Why did the Coast Guard officer sit on the deck? To keep his ship together!
What did the Coast Guard say to the stranded sailor? “You’re shore to be safe now!”
Why was the Coast Guard always calm? Because they knew how to keep their “sea-nse” of humor!
What do you call a Coast Guard boat that’s always on time? A “punctual pontoon”!
Why did the Coast Guard bring a ladder to the beach? To reach new heights of safety!
What’s a Coast Guard’s favorite exercise? The “rowing” machine!
Why did the Coast Guard officer bring a map to the party? To navigate the social scene!
What do you call a Coast Guard boat that tells jokes? A “pun-derwater” vessel!
Why did the Coast Guard officer become a comedian? Because he had a knack for “sea”ing the funny side of things!
What’s a Coast Guard’s favorite type of weather? A “breeze” of laughter!
Why did the Coast Guard officer bring a fish to the meeting? To “scale” new heights of success!

🌊 Nautical Knock-Knock Jokes

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Coast Guard. Coast Guard who? Coast Guard you mind if I come in?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sea. Sea who? Sea you later, alligator!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wave. Wave who? Wave you been all my life?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boat. Boat who? Boat you doing tonight?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Sail. Sail who? Sail you later, navigator!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dock. Dock who? Dock you like my new boat?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tide. Tide who? Tide of the ocean, here I come!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Captain. Captain who? Captain you believe it?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harbor. Harbor who? Harbor you been hiding?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Anchor. Anchor who? Anchor you glad I didn’t say banana?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Reef. Reef who? Reef you been waiting for?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lighthouse. Lighthouse who? Lighthouse you doing?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Buoy. Buoy who? Buoy, am I glad to see you!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Stern. Stern who? Stern up some fun!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Port. Port who? Port you glad we’re friends?

🚤 Coast Guard Puns That’ll Float Your Boat

I’m shore you’ll enjoy these puns!
That joke was a real “sea” changer.
I’m hooked on these nautical jokes.
That was a “wave” of laughter!
You’re the “anchor” of my humor.
Let’s “dock” and laugh together.
That joke was “oar”some!
You’re “sailing” through these jokes!
That was a “tide” of fun!
You’re the “buoy” of my day.
That was “harbor”ious!
You’re “reef”reshing my humor.
That joke was “stern”ly funny.
You’re “port”ing a smile on my face.
That was a “lighthouse” of laughter.

🌴 Beachside Banter

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish!
What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-tain!
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels!
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have tiny ant-bodies!

🚢 Sailor’s Sayings

“A sailor’s life is full of ‘sea’crets.”
“Keep calm and sail on.”
“The sea is calling, and I must go.”
“Sail away with me.”
“Life’s a beach, enjoy the waves.”
“Anchors aweigh!”
“Seas the day!”
“Let the sea set you free.”
“Sail into the sunset.”
“Keep your friends close and your anchors closer.”
“The ocean is everything I want to be.”
“Sail away from the safe harbor.”
“The sea is life.”
“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.”
“The ocean stirs the heart, inspires the imagination, and brings eternal joy to the soul.”